twenty-first.

principles learned:
1. 2 nephi 6:20 - replace the word charity with communications and practice the scripture
2. be a mirror, not a sponge!
3. we attribute motives to other people and never question our own
4. once we think we know what the problem is, or we get to what we are after, we enter into selective listening

apply these princples:
everyday in class i learn something that i don't do well, that i always thought i did well. two principles that really stood out to me the most were attributing motives to other people and never questioning my own, and entering into selective listening when we get to the problem. i think i often question people motives like bro. adams said, and in questioning them i think of them as mostly negatives and selfish. in reality, if i actually stopped to think of my own motives i would see myself as selfish. i want to try and not judge other peoples motives before i settle my own and make my own reasonable and not so self centered. the second princple i want to remember is to not enter into selective listening when i have arrived at my peak. if i was listening intently before to find what the problem is, after discovering the problem i still want to listen empathically instead of entering selective listening.

report:
in teaching these princples to james we really want to focus on our own motives and what they are before judging the others.

fourteenth.

princple learned:
it is hard to respond in anger when someone is listening empathically!

apply this!
it's simple--listen to people empathically so they don't get angry w/ you! :)

report:
discussing this princple with james we couldn't come to a real hard opinion on whether we entirely agree or not just because we have never had people really listen to us empathically so it's hard to judge whether it is true or not. it is our goal to listen to one another empathically so we can decide if this will work.

twelfth.

princples learned:
1. we are born dependent on others. we need to work to obtain intradependence and then interdependence.
2. don't start with blame, start with, "what can i do to make the situation better?"
3. new qualifiers! sounds like..., it seems..., i'm guessing..., from my understanding..., what i'm getting..., etc.

apply these princples:
work on what i can do before i try to change what people are thinking or the way they are acting. always try to think what i can do to make the situation better.

teach: to james

report: again, we just want to be better and communicate better. w/ these princples learned we hope to be able to figure out what we as individuals can do to make the two of us better.

ninth.

princples learned:
1. fighting does not mean the relation is over. it is when the fighting stops that the relation is over.
2. the moment you start evaluating is the moment things start going wrong.
3. just because people aren't for us does not mean they are against us.

apply these princples:
be understanding! don't get defensive just because james isn't agreeing with me. he does hate me, he just has a different perspective than i do.

teach: to james

report:
james confirmed the fact that disagree doesn't mean he hates me (of course). we want to try to steer away from evaluation. we want to be able to be open enough that we don't have to make the other person evaluate because we'll be open from the start.

seventh.

princples learned:
1. we need to learn to understand what is going off in other people's minds when communicating with them
2. don't be defensive, redirect anger somewhere else

apply these princples:
do not direct my anger at people, and direct anger coming towards me elsewhere

teach:
to james

report:
we want to try to control our anger and in doing so when we are angry, we would like to learn to be able to project it somewhere else than at eachother

fifth.

report of an applied principle:
i am not close to my roommate, but we are civil and we talk casually about our days. she in particular is more open to talking about her daily routine and life than i am. i figure this is because i talk to my fiance about everything, so most everything is off my mind by the time i talk to her. in contrast, i believe she views me as someone to listen to her since she doesn't have many others to talk to--which i do not consider a bad thing. anyhow, the other day she was talking to me and i really felt like she was expressing her feelings on a certain subject--she was not crying or in rage, but i could tell by the tone of her voice she felt strongly about the subject. as i felt inclined to listen and give advice based on my experiences from my autobiography, i chose to try to listen empathically. i rephrased content back to her, and reflected the emotions i felt she was portraying.

i don't feel as though she came back and let out any more emotions or content then she had initially planned; however, she does not know i am taking an interpersonal communications class and she does not know i am learning how to listen empathically. so even if this experience didn't really affect her, it was practice for me. i appreciated the opportunity to practice. i feel hesitant practicing with my fiance because he knows what i am learning my class and i feel like he would take me being serious as i try to earnestly reflect back content and emotion. if i gain practice through other individuals listening empathically may become easier and more natural furthing me to be able to use it when listening to my fiance and he will feel of my sincerity.

second.

princples learned:
1. teach children why they are being punished instead of just punishing them/spanking them
2. don't let the children by the parents (obviously)

apply these principles:
when i am angry w/ someone let him/her know why isntead of keeping it "confidential"

teach: to james and josh

report:
josh (my brother-in-law) says that once his kids know the meaning of sasa (samoan word for 'spank') then there will be no trouble. however, both agree that teaching children why they are being punished instead of just punishing is a good idea. i won't have children for a few years, but i hope that when i do i can parent effectively.