thirty-first.

principles learned:

• empathic listening
• put away agenda
• trust is built
• qualifiers: seems/sounds like
• used when trust is low, emotions are high
• validates emotion
• get what you need in communication/relationships
  
  • you can have someone listen actively or empathically for you
• you can probe when trust is high
• sometimes when listening you only have to peel off some layers of the onion
  
  • someone else later will come by and be able to peel off even more until the core is exposed
• saying, “i know you’re busy—just go” is the speaker giving the listener an easy way out

apply these principles:
the main principle i took away from today’s class is that we can get what we need in communicating. we have it in our power to ask someone how we want them to respond and to listen. granted this won’t always work if the person you are communicating with does not have respect for you. however, if we have problems in communicating, it is in our power to find solutions. therefore, i want to try to ask someone i am speaking with to listen empathically.

teach: to james

report:
teaching james about the principle of being able to get what we need in relationships we took it upon ourselves to make the other aware when we are not receiving the things which we think we need. if the problem cannot be remedied, then we want to be open to being able to solve through other means (ie the example of the couple and birthday/anniversary presents)

twenty-ninth.

principles learned:
•gossip is disloyalty to the absent
•it is inconvenient to do most things that are worthwhile
•in the pride cycle, after blessings we have the chance to choose between pride and humility & repentance

apply these principles:
•if i really want to keep trust with those i come in contact with, i need never to gossip
•acknowledge that a task is inconvenient, but don’t let it stop me
•when i receive blessings i need to recognize that i have, and consciously choose to return to humility rather than pride

teach: to james

report:
as we receive blessings throughout our lives we want always to recognize that we have the choice to choose between humility and pride. of course, we hope to be humbled.


example of empathy:
a northern kentucky university view on empathy

twenty-sixth.

principles learned:
• if there is anything in a person that is lovely, praiseworthy, or of good report, let them know you recognize it!
• recognize the good in people—try to ignore the bad.

apply these principles:
• don’t be afraid to give compliments
• instead of even realizing the bad and trying to ignore it, try not to even recognize it. look so positively into people that all i am able to see is the goodness

teach: to james

report:
when i shared with james the idea of ignoring the bad in people and acknowledging the good, his response was that everyone doing so would result in an unrealistic world. he said if we ignore in the bad in people then we would trust those we shouldn't trust and that would cause more problems. i recognized then that we are not to completely ignore the bad in people, rather we should forgive them of their weaknesses and concentrate on their strengths, and turning their weaknesses into strengths.

twenty-fourth.

principles learned:

• 1. to achieve empathy
• a. rephrase content of what was said
• b. reflect back feeling
• c. not always are both needed to make empathy
• 2. people's motives for wanting to cheer us up
• a. others being upset make us feel uncomfortable in the situation
• b. will give example from autobiography to make everything happy again
• 3. difference between interpreting and evaluating
• a. interpreting is judging in reference to one's mental condition/behavior
• b. evaluating is judging whether one is right or wrong in a situation
  

apply these principles:

• 1. work on being an empathic listener
• 2. when someone i know is down, concentrate on not making them feel better only for my benefit
• 3. recognize the difference between when i am interpreting, and when i am evaluating

teach: to james

report:
together james and i realized that it is common knowledge that we try to make people feel better only because when feeling sad makes us feel uncomfortable. as much as it is our own motives to uplifting someone's attitudes, we rarely recognize that we are doing so just to help ourselves feel better. together we decided to try to concentrate on understanding and reflecting on eachothers feelings when either of us are feeling an emotion that the other does not relate to.

twenty-second.

principles learned:

• 1. know who you are
  • a. it's hard to listen to someone's anger with you if you are not comfortable with who you are
  • b. unconscious incompitance
• 2. empathic listening
  • when trust is low and risk/emotions are high
  • enemy of empathic listening is the agenda
• 3. two primary emotions
• a. love
• b. fear
  

personal application:

• 1. work on my own confidence, work on my own communication skills
• 2. use what i've learned on empathic listening when communicating (w/ my older siblings in particular)
• 3. recognize when i am expressing love or fear in my everyday emotions

who to teach: james

report:
upon teaching james these principles he reacted positively agreeing to the principles learned. he recognized that the day before he was using the fundamental principles of empathic listening when i was upset. after i taught him about empahtic listening, he thought we were done. i continued to talk as he turned his head the other way and closed his eyes. i brought to his knowledge what else we had learned that day. i asked him what he misses out on when he closes his eyes when i am speaking. he answered respectively, "facial expression and body language." he reluctantly opened his eyes because he knew it would make me happy. he referred back to empathic listening.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Success is Built on Inconvenience! by Gary Ryan Blair

I believe this article is relevant to the "Partner-Lawyer" case study we're role-playing in the way that getting to the point and understanding why my partner was absent is inconvenient. It is more convenient—for me—to get right to the point and find out what I should do to punish, or find peace, with why my partner, Brad, was not in the office. It is inconvenient to try to sincerely listen, understand, and reflect on what Brad is feeling. However, obviously, we would rather do what is convenient because it comes easier, but like this article states, success comes through inconvenience. I believe that together as a class we will learn how to communicate with Brad. It would be nice if Brad would just say why he didn’t come in to work, but we know that won’t happen. I will be inconvenienced as I have to practice my patience with learning how he is feeling, and not focusing on anything more.

nineteenth.

insight to today's class:

• 1. there are different levels of listening
• a. ignore
• b. pretend
• c. selective
• d. active
• e. empathetic
• 2. communication contamination
• a. when we listen we refer to our autobiography
• i. base what we hear on our past experiences
• 3. apologizing is a great thing for our eba
• 4. we have an emotional bank account

relevance to other areas:

as i learn these new concepts i cannot help but to think of my relationship with my fiance. when we are at a basketball game it is pointless for me to say anything to him unless it is half time. it is not that he is ignoring me, he doesn't even hear me. as for watching sports on tv, he definitely practices his pretending and selective listening skills. as for myself, i assume myself to be a great communicator just because i am not afraid or ashamed to apologize. however i obviously am not a great communicator b/c common sense tells me so, and because i know i often enter the state of communication contamination. i need to listen at the active level and not refer back to my autobiography and how i think a problem can be solved or a conversation ended.


personal application:

1. teach james that he is engaging only in the first 3 steps of the communication "listening stairs"
2. when i enter communications, try to stray away from my autobiography
3. when communicating with someone, i need to always strive to be at least at the "active" level

teach: to james

report:

seventeeth.

key principles we learned from today's class period:

• 1. we enter communications with our own agenda
• a. this makes it difficult to understand others
• 2. in communications we assume too much
• a. in the role play we assumed the attitudes of one another
• i.assumed each other are mad
• ii. Brad is covering up a problem
• iii. Brad is angry with Brandon/me
• 3. the significant problems we face cannot be solves in the same place we created them
• a. if we want to solve a problem we have to change our attitudes

applying these principles:

• 1. when i enter communication with one another, be open-minded
• a. don't assume what another is feeling

teaching these principles:
to james

report:

twelfth.

key principles learned from today's class period:

• 1. learning about other people, even indirectly, helps you to feel more comfortable with them
• a. knowing where someone is from, or the their major
• b. learning interesting facts gives you insight into their "hidden" life
• i. simply deeper insight to see beneath their skin
• c. talking alone lets you experience verbal communication
  

applying these principles:

• 1. talk to more people always!
• a. in class
• b. at the store just say hi
• c. in the store don't be afraid to ask employees questions
• 2. if you are not comfortable with someone and don't know him/her, talk to get to know him/her!
  

teaching these principles:
to sophie

report:

fifth.

about me:

• name: erin nyholm
  
• from: livermore, calif. (sf bay area)
  
• major: communications; information systems & graphic design cluster
  
• hobby: camping on the lake, water skiing, wakeboarding, kneeboarding, organizing, snowboarding, web page development, setting new goals
  
• specific accomplishment: becoming content with my life, realizing i am responsible for my own happiness
  
• specific goal: to visit all 50 states before i die
  
• expectations for class: to learn and apply it in my life
  
• unique fact: i completed the hunter's safety course at age 12, but i have never put the certification to use
  

key principles learned from today's class period:

• 1. there are multiple channels for communication
• a. body language
• b. hand motions
• c. telephone
• i. text
• ii. video
• d. internet (e-mail, blogs, instant messaging, etc.)

• 2. learning is my responsibility
• a. other students' domination can not keep me from learning
• b. participating by asking questions benefits me and other students
• c. an instructor's teaching style that runs perpendicular to my learning style is not a valid excuse as to why i am not learning
  
  
• 3. class does not have to be boring
• a. abstract exercisies help teach important principles through symbolism
• b. an instructor's enthusiasm helps keep students interest

applying these principles:

• 1. practice using channels of communication that i normally do not use
• 2. work the extra mile to make the instructor's teaching approach work w/ my learning style
• 3. eagerly participate in class exercises and discussions to make learning more interesting
• a. prepare ahead of time (class) to be able to participate

teaching these principles:
to james

report: